


shades of black and white

by chaotic_carisi



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:47:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29771562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaotic_carisi/pseuds/chaotic_carisi
Summary: Sonny sighed. “Rafael…”“I’ll see you later. I’m going to visit my son.”This struck a nerve with Sonny. “Your son? He’s my son too, Rafael.”“Oh, yeah? Who spends all their time at the hospital with him.” Rafael paused, turning back towards Sonny.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	shades of black and white

**Author's Note:**

> I randomly thought "what if Drew was Sonny and Raf's kid" and here we are!  
> I think I might have to write another chapter pretty soon!

“Rafi, where are you going?” Sonny asked, already knowing the answer. 

Rafael wasn’t listening, his head full of other thoughts as he pulled his coat on. Sonny sighed before walking up to Rafael, wrapping his hands around his waist from behind him and kissing him on the cheek. 

“What?” Rafael asked, relaxing in his husband's arms for a moment. 

“Do you have to go? Again?” He asked, his chin resting on Rafael’s shoulder. “Come on, come back to bed. Please?” 

Rafael thought for a moment, wondering if he should give in to Sonny’s pleading. “I have to go, Sonny, I have to see him.” 

Sonny dropped his arms and took a step back as Rafael turned to face him. His eyes were still red - Sonny had heard him crying during the night, and every night before. 

“You spend every day in the hospital now, Rafi. He doesn’t even know you’re there, he doesn’t know anything!” Sonny found himself shouting the words he had thought about so many times before, the hurt look on Rafael’s face being the only thing stopping him from saying more. “I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t seem like it.” Rafael turned towards the door, not wanting to know what else Sonny had been waiting to say. 

Sonny sighed. “Rafael…”

“I’ll see you later. I’m going to visit my son.” 

This struck a nerve with Sonny. “Your son? He’s my son too, Rafael.”

“Oh, yeah? Who spends all their time at the hospital with him.” Rafael paused, turning back towards Sonny. “Actually, I don’t remember the last time you were at the hospital to see him.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’m too busy working in order to pay off the hospital bills.” Sonny shook his head. “You’re not the only person here, Rafa, you’re not the ly one trying to deal with this.” 

Rafael froze, his hand raised over the handle, almost as if he wasn't sure whether he was staying or going. 

“I’m sorry.” Sonny repeated, softer this time. 

“I know.” Rafael didn’t turn around, only opened the door and stepped into the hallway, stopping to say, “I’ll tell him you asked for him,” before closing the door behind him. 

Sonny sighed, waiting a few minutes before grabbing his jacket before leaving the apartment himself, not wanting to run into Rafael outside. 

-

Sonny fumbled in his pockets, quickly trying to switch off his ringing phone. It was Rafael. He didn’t answer. 

“Sorry, Captain.” He muttered. 

“Everyone out.” Liv said, sitting across the table from Sonny once everyone had filed out. “What is it?” 

Sonny buried his head in his hands. “Drew.” 

“Ah. He’s still in hospital?” 

“Liv, he isn’t going to wake up, I can’t make Rafael understand that.” He sighed. “I’m afraid of losing Rafael more than I’m afraid of losing Drew.”

“How long has it been?” She asked, reaching out and placing a hand on Sonny’s shoulder. 

“A month. I mean, we knew he would be like this before he was born, but we let the surrogate decide, but recently... “ His voice broke. “He just keeps getting worse, Liv, and I feel terrible, but I think it would be easier if he just… if he just died.” 

“Carisi…” 

“No, I know, it’s horrible.” He said, voice muffled, but Liv wasn’t listening. 

“Carisi, it’s Barba.” 

“What?” He turned around in his seat, his stomach filling with dread when he saw Rafael walking through the precinct looking lost, and knew what had happened when he saw the tear streaks on his face. 

“What happened?” He asked, as he ran out of the meeting room, grabbing Rafael by the shoulders. “Rafael, what is it?” He asked again, but he already knew the answer. 

“He’s gone.” Rafael whispered as Sonny led him to a chair. 

Sonny thought about the phone call he should’ve answered and felt regret rush through him. Then he remembered their argument from this morning. “Rafi, I’m sorry. I should’ve been there.” He didn’t know what else he could say. 

“He was already gone. You were right.” He managed before he started crying. 

“Come here.” Sonny whispered, and Rafael buried his face in Sonny’s chest, letting himself cry freely. Sonny wanted to say something, anything that could help, but instead he just wrapped his arms around him and held him close.


End file.
